I have no party tricks, unless you count magically disappearing into the kitchen. In the NYE parties of my childhood, I remember that there would be an inevitable acoustic guitar and then cousins, aunts, and inevitably my mother would all start singing some terrible traditional favorite. To say they “harmonized” would be to stretch that … Continue reading On Party Tricks
Category: Tales
Nests
We found where they nested for the night. We put stakes through their hearts and doused them with holy water.
On The Benefits of Exercise
Advertising agency Lyre and Fibb had their easiest commission yet. “It’s gonna be hot,” The Client insisted. “It’s gonna sell itself.” Mr. Lyre and Ms. Fibb popped the tops off their permanent markers. “Tell us more,” they said, together. “It’s for all ages,” The Client said. “All faiths, for men and women, straight or gay. … Continue reading On The Benefits of Exercise
Monster
So, I'm not saying that our apartment complex is being terrorized by a huge but invisible creature that takes bites out of discarded furniture. But then I'm not not saying that, if you know what I mean...
Mating Season
June in Austin, TX, is shopping cart mating season. As you can see, sometimes the vigorous nature of the copulation leads to casualties. They died doing what they love.
HOT LAVA obstacle course
"Come to Austin," they said. "It's cool. 'Live music capital of the world', naked hippies, barbecue, Robert Rodriguez, Sandra Bullock, Willie Nelson. OK, and sometimes it gets a bit hot..." They don't tell you about the volcano hidden under downtown. The state legislators do a good job of keeping it quiet. But once every 25 … Continue reading HOT LAVA obstacle course
U.S. Post Office
The young guy at the bus station, he loved his post office. Opened 'til five, he said. Sweet frizzy-haired woman sold him stamps and gave him free packaging. Uh-huh, I said, looking down the road, watching for the number 30 driven by that sweet little red head. The young fella wouldn't stop going on about … Continue reading U.S. Post Office
