Doggy DNA Part 3

I hate when it turns out that I represent an unimpressive negative national stereotype. But here it is: I can’t complain. If I have bad service, my revenge is to never go to that place again

Or, at least, give them just one more chance, dammit.

I don’t even do bad online reviews. Not anymore.

It’s genetic; I can’t help it. In fact, the one time I did stand up for myself, I was in my 20s and the glasses I got from a nationwide chain of opticians were not good. My vision was worse with the new lenses they provided than it had been with the old ones. I gave it a couple of weeks and then plucked up my courage…to this day, the memory instantly knots my stomach. The snotty attitude of all involved sticks in my head. I was lectured and patronized by the woman at the front desk and by the large and unfriendly man they summoned to talk to me, and it’s hard to forget.

Although I did get a new examination and a new prescription.

My brother, who is a much more enthusiastic complainer – thus confronting the national stereotype – would have taken it further. He would have written to the head office. He would have demanded someone’s head on a stick. Metaphorically. He would have been happy with a money-off coupon and a letter of apology to hang on his wall of shame.

I got new glasses and a negative experience that haunts me still.

So, here are we again, talking about Doggy DNA tests. Writing back to the DNA folks to suggest that their results for our three pups might not be entirely accurate was a (relatively) brave things to do. Made much easier through the medium of email, of course. I was of course polite. I included a picture of the three of them. My highly scientific argument being, basically,

LOOK AT THEM! THEY ARE IN NO WAY 100% PUG! PLEASE SEND ME DIFFERENT RESULTS! ANYTHING! JUST SOMETHING I CAN BELIEVE!

Megan, their “public relations specialist”, disagreed.

“I can indeed confirm that Miss Jordan, June Carter, and John Henry all did indeed come back as level S Pug, meaning they are 100% Pug. This also means that one or both parents were a pure bred or at least had 50% Pug in their DNA that was passed on to their puppies…I had a look at the full laboratory report for all three of them and the[y] had a very strong match to Pug and no other trace amounts of any DNA in their results, even at the background noise level.”

Megan, PR Specialist

I love “background noise level”! If there is one thing these three pups have a lot of, it’s background noise levels. We have never known true silence since they entered our lives. Bit I digress. So what are our next steps? Well, as I see it, we have two choices: We can take this thing all the way to the Supreme Court.

Or I can let it go. We can just make regular references to our “100% pugs” while rolling our eyes. I can see it as $200 spent on three blog posts and some fun conversations during This Difficult Time.

Sarcasm, suppression of negative experiences, and plodding on regardless are definitely within my DNA. This is the path I’ll inevitably follow. It’s genetic; I can’t help it.

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