This Meeting is Bullshit

Cut-out-and-keep. You will need this at some point this week. I guarantee it.

On What I Do Best

So, I wondered to myself recently, what is the tell-tale sign that we’ve stopped writing about dystopias and are instead living in one? Just a random thought. Have you ever looked at your life skills, or lack thereof, and thought, “I would be absolutely useless in a Mad-Max-style global apocalypse”? I know it’s not just … Continue reading On What I Do Best →

Fortune: Ask a friend

First, when did fortunes stop being actual predictions of the future and more like oddly specific advice/instructions? Second, the friend you take should probably be a copy editor. I'm saying there's a typo there.

On Sugar

We have been here before. I am not giving up sugar. That would be crazy. And sad. And, most relevantly, impossible. I am giving up on: sugary snacks, cakes, biscuits/cookies, desserts. No more cocoas at the end of the day. Just a little splash of chocolate here and there. It sounds hellish but…it’s not. Not … Continue reading On Sugar →

Save Me From the Clown Cup

First, my coulrophobia is perfectly rational. Second, this is objectively terrifying and should be destroyed. Third, the fact that it looks like Dick van Dyke in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang only adds to the underlying unease it creates in all right-thinking folk.

On Football

Football, the American version that is mostly played with the hands, first came to the UK via Channel 4, Britain’s fourth terrestrial television channel. I was young and fascinated by the hour a week we saw this most American of sports. In one hour, interrupted by ads, we saw all the action from the NFL … Continue reading On Football →

Hobo

Sure, who doesn't want a homeless person ornament on their mantle? Especially one with exposed underwear. Ah, what treasure troves these antique stores are...